i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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