I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
