come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
