he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
