that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
