We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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