Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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