So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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