I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
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Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
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I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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