my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
