She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
