He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
