they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
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