me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
