Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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