I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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