Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
