i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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