dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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