i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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