you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
