remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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