Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
My boob is missing a layer of skin
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
