Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Randomize
