Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
It's like God shit irony all over that family
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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