Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
