Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
