Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
