So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
