Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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