I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
jump out the window naked night went bad
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
