I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
