There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
