his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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