Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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