rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
