VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
