Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
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