i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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