school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
