What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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