just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
