i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
