Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
no you cant smoke seaweed
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
