Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Randomize
