if you like me you must not know who I am
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
