girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
