he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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