Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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