I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize