so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
