I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
