thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
