I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
