So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
