how can u be prego again
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
