I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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