i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize