How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
