just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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