Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
