I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Randomize
