Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize