Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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