Reggie can tackle my bush.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
