I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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