A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
