Pappa wants mamma naked
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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