yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
