So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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