I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
