I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
