Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
So much rum. So many feels.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
