its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
