I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
