it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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