be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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