Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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