That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
