I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
