I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
pop tarts are not kleenex
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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