Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I am available for nakedness
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
