I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
