Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
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you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
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