he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.