I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.