Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
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my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
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Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are