I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
