Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Randomize
