You can't special order awesome
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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