No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
