i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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